2009

Hey Dave, I had a problem posting this on the Yahoo FF page. Can you just post this on the WIG page instead? Thanks. Miss you! Scottie Brokeback Computer vs iron golf belt Tradition........Tradition Tammy, Jeffrey, Bradley, Robby and....HeathER. I've known my siblings for, well, as long as I can remember. When you have this many brothers and sisters there is going to be some competition. Throughout most of our childhood we wanted to be "mom's favorite." But that contest ended when I won that title years ago : ) The two sisters will always have a life-long battle about who's life is better. Right now, Heather is winning. I think they both figured out that when you have a baby, you take the lead for the next 2-3 years. The brothers have something different to compete about. We're not bitchy like the girls. We don't tell secrets to mom to gain advantage. We compete to compete. It's in our blood. So a long time ago we started making games out of everything. The Quite game, Biggest fry of the day, The Book Game @ Church. We used to take all the cushions off the couches, carefully stack them up one at a time and see who can jump on the biggest stack without letting it fall. Brad couldn't make it past 5. Today we have a contest to see who will give the first Hushium to our nieces and nephews (Jeff gave the first one to Kylie, I gave the first one to Aric) Soon those little games turned into actual games. 1 strike 2 strike 3 strike, Downstairs Basketball (Brad and I have never lost when we were the Trail Blazers), Downstairs College Basketball (Brad holds the record for longest winning streak at 2 years with the Michigan Wolverines), Outdoor Baseball in front of Judy's house, Quarterback Challenge, Beach Baseball, Rolling Thunder, Downstairs Volleyball, 10987654321 Game, MNF, and list goes on. But one game turned into the greatest game ever created by a man: Wild Wild West. It is the Bond of Moulton games. Soon, it will be played at the professional level, and eventually....The Olympics. With so many games, we didn't just want to win, we wanted to be the Best. And that's how Moulton arguments turned into a second language for us. Poker was always a good time. We average about 3.5 arguments every time we play. Brad would yell at Rob because he bet out of turn. Brad would throw a stack of chips in the pot and Jeff would scream at him saying, "well how do I know you bet 200?! I didn't see it!" I would throw a fit because Brad did a misdeal and I was holding pocket Aces. One time I think it was Rob that stole Dad's chips as a joke, and he was steaming with anger. He got up from the kitchen table and left making his way down the hallway, "when I come back those chips better be there or else somebody is going to get it!" And who can forget the epic 2v2 basketball game outside. Things were getting rough out there between the Ducks and the Hornets, so I took a charge from Jeff saying it was an offensive foul. Long story short, him and I ended up wrestling on the front lawn. Or, how bout that one time when Robby and I were playing Topspin online. We were ranked #7 in the world, playing the #1 ranked team and losing. Robby and I started to fall apart. Towards the end, we weren't paying any attention to the game because we were at each others throats. Dad was right there watching us and he started yelling at us too, "come on guys, dammit!" So then we figured out that if you have an edge, it's easier to be the Best. It's a simple formula really. All you have to do is find a cheat. Every game has one. And nobody was better at it than Rob. Most of his cheats came on Xbox Live. I remember when we both played Ghost Recon. We would create a game (choose a level where we knew all the spawn points) and wait like a primitive spider, and start the game when a victim joined. We knew exactly where he was and kept spawn killing him until he quit and we won the game. Another time we were destroying these two kids in NBA Live. Somehow they came back and hit a half court shot to take the lead with less than a second left. Rob paused the game (that was when there wasn't a time limit for time outs) and we waited. We came back 2 days later, the Xbox still on, and the game was still paused!! Those damn kids were not backing out! I think we got a new game at the time too. Probably did the Wal-mart trick. You know, buy a game, conquer it, go back to Wal-mart to return it, tell them "yeah I got this game for my birthday but I already have it. I don't have a receipt cause it was a gift. Can I just exchange it for another game?" Then repeat. So we couldn't play the new game cause the NBA game was still paused. We checked back 2 days later. They quit....we won. Rob had the brilliant idea of not starting anybody when we played each other in FF a few years back, just so we didn't get the loss. I think he kinda cheated at some board game that he played with Ryan and Andy and he was making Andy all upset (which doesn't surprise me) But I wasn't there for that one. This week Brad plays Rob. Here's a good stat for you Brad. You ready? You have never lost to Rob. Boom! That's right. And no, I did not get that from Stuart Scott.....fuckin asshole. So beat him hard Brad. Like the time when you and Rob played Goalie, and after he defeated you, you fell to your knees like Adam Banks and Rob got right up in your face and you punched him so hard in the balls that it hurt for days. And Rob was shouting, "ow my testicles" and grabbing them and Dad told you that he might have to go to the hospital and get tubes up his penis and you were like, "ummmm ok...." Make him cry like he did every year when we did the Easter egg hunt at our house. Make him cry so hard that he wets his pants, and hides his piss undies under the bathroom sink. Remember that? Just make him your bitch. Like the time you, me and Heather told Rob to steal that hundred dollar bill from Tammy's room, so we could runaway and live behind The Eagle while we live off of those free cookies and pop from the machine. Rob, you better score a lot of points this week or so help me God. $500 dollars I spent on you!!! $500 dollars Rob!! Throw a 2x4 at Brad's head if you have to. Like the time you threw one at Jimmy Kassner's head and he ran home screaming, "I'm Bleeding, I'm Bleeding!" Or give him the giant drop like you do to Tigger. (no not Oreo Ryan) Or throw that famous Liddell punch you keep telling us that you can do. We all know you like throwing punches at walls.....and girlfriends. Well, the clock on the microwave says it's time to go. So fuck Tammy, fuck Heather, fuck Dad, fuck Max.....GET THE FUCK OUTA HERE!! The Game of the Week is brought to you by.....our favorite Dad memory. Dad decided to take Bosco for a walk one day. It was to Blockbuster and back....so it was kind of a walk. When they returned home, Bosco's fur was completely covered with those sticky brown balls and Dad was panting harder than he was! Plus, Dad got water first.....classic dad right there. -- Keep your chin Up

Hey Dave, sorry to bother you again. But this error #112 keeps coming up when I want to post the GOTW. I don't know if its the way I write them....idk. But yeah, when you have time to post it on WIG that would be great. If not, I'll just have to free write the whole thing. Thanks Dave, I miss you!!! Scottie Forry's Future Boss vs. You had me at Halo 3 The special guest this week will be new NBC Sunday Night Football announcer Chris Collinsworth. Chris - Sorry for being late, I was just reviewing some last minute tape for this Sunday. Me - No problem, step into my office. It's a bit cramped in here but - Chris - It's alright, gotta start somewhere. When I first started out my first office was in a storage closet. But, I've never done an interview in a - Me - Whew really? Man that makes me feel a lot better. So, the NBC gig. That's pretty sweet, huh? Chris - Oh yeeah, what a great honor it is to talk football with Al Michaels every week. But let's not forget about who I replaced. The great John Madden. He was the voice of football for many years across eeevery major TV network. It's sad to see him go. Me - Is the change difficult going from the studio to the booth? Chris - Well, I gotta watch a lot more tape to get prepared, haha Me - Now, I hear your a big fan of our Fantasy Football league. Chris - I am. I've been following your league the past couple years. You guys are fun to watch, and have some amaaazing teams. Oh, and your GOTW last week was aaabsoluty brilliant. Me - Why thank you. So what can you tell us about this matchup? Chris - What a huuuge game this is for Watts. 0-3 could go 0-4, which would be one loss away from him quitting the league... Me - Oh man, that would be so great! bwahahaha........sorry, go on Chris - I looked at the tape and saw that the top 8 teams are all 2-1 including Zuehlke. 4 of those teams are playing each other, which means at least 2 of them will be 2-2. With a win here, Zuehlke has a chance to bump himself up to the #4 spot. And let me tell ya, he'll be resting a lot easier going into next weeks game with a 3-1 record against Rob. Me - Actually, the whole resting easier thing might have to do with him being Zombied out haha....but yeah, ok, I mean, I could have said all that just by glancing at the overview page. Tell me, who do you think has the edge? Chris - After reviewing some tape, I noticed Zuehlke has beaten Watts the last two times they have played. This week will be reeeallly close. They don't have any major players on a bye. There are two games to pay close attention to. The Tampa Bay vs. Washington game. They have 5 players involved. Watts better hope Moss steals a loooot of touchdowns from Portis. I'll be calling the other game, San Diego @ Pittsburgh this Sunday night. Zuehlke has Sproles, Gates, and Ward playing in that one, which means he could rake up a ton of points that night. Me - So are you saying that Z has the edge? Chris - Both teams right now are projected reeeaaally close. It's going to be anyones game. And a fun one to watch. Me - It's ok, you can pick one. This is only a Fantasy Football league. It's not even real. I mean, if your wrong who cares. Come on, if you had to pick one, who would it be? Chris - Ooooh no, aaanything can happen in Fantasy Football. Me - Well, ya, duh. That's what makes it so exciting. Everybody knows that. Ok then, what's one thing that could be the key to determine this game? Chris - Well, Zuehlke needs a Kicker and Watts needs a Defense. Whoever has the smarter pickup might determine the outcome of this game. Me - Ok, but seriously, if you were going to vote. Which one would you choose? Chris - It's reeeeaaally too close to call. I mean, both teams are averaging 87 points per game. And Watts has only 1.28 more points that Zeuhlke. Me - Ok, right....again, stating the obvious. I mean seriously, is that all you do? Man, it's like everytime you talk you say exactly what you SHOULD say. It's like anybody can do your job then. Stop playing it safe and just, say something...anything that YOU think will happen. Chris - well....gulp....uhhhhh.....well, after looking at the tape - Me - NO, stop going back to the damn tape! Who cares about that! Ugh, man, this interview is worse than Bob Costas interviewing someone with a time delay......just give me something in you're own words Chris - I cant.....and It's YOUR not YOU'RE!!! You reeeallly need to work on those - Me - I KNOW! I'm just doing that to piss off Watts!!! Geez, what the hell man? Seriously, what's going on? Chris - I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just can't do this....I'm.....I'm gonna get going.... Me - Wait, wait, hold on. I'm sorry dude, look, you want to talk about it? Chris - It's just, I don't know aaanything about football. I've been locked in my room for months watching reeels and reeels of highlights. And I don't really know aaaanything about this league either. I don't know aaaanything!! .....sniff.....sniff...... Me - .............um......are you really crying right now? ::sigh:: It's ok Chris, it's going to be alright.....come here man, it's going to be ok, ok? Chris - sniff......sniff.......thank you......I just like hearing the sound of my voice that's all....sniff.....the pitch is so crisp. My perfect vocal chords and articulators allow me to produce a highly intricate array of sounds. As long as I keep talking, it doesn't matter what I say because people only pay attention to my voice. They just like hearing it...... Me - um, yeah.....I guess.....ok, that's just.........WTF?? Dude, stop rubbing my leg!! OMG!! Chris - sniff.....sniff.....I thought - Me - NO, dude. Get outa here!! Chris - You don't want to hear my voice? - Me - NO, get out now!! Get the Fuck out of my car right now!!! Get out!!!! Well, I think I'm going to quit it with the interviews for a while. This is gay The Game of the Week is brought to you by...."Matching Pairs" Compete in one the GSN's most popular games. Match pairs of identical socks in this unique version of doing laundry. With over 50 pairs of white and black socks, see how fast you can pair them up. But watch out for those dryer sheets!!! -- Keep your chin Up

Hey Dave, here's this weeks gotw. Just post it when you have time. Yahoo is pissing me off Thanks Dave Windows 7 10/22/09 vs. Oddjob I love these games. The classic 1 v 2 matchup. So epic. So exciting! I'm getting the tingles just thinking about it. Tingly like the time I came across the playboy channel when I was 13 and it wasn't scrambled. I mean it was chopped in two and scrolled down every 10 seconds, but the sound was crystal clear. Oh man, I couldn't wait until everyone was out of the house so I could glue myself to that TV and watch porn. My mom would be like, "I'm taking robby to soccer practice and then running to the Jewel to go grocery shopping do you want to come with?" "noooo, that's ok, I'll just stay home." Even though it was very soft core back then, it was still porn. But, you know what, I kinda like the soft core porn. I'd rather watch that. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm a romantic. Hey If a girl wants to light candles, great I'll grab the music! Those were the good 'ol days when masturbating was new. Now, I masturbate so much it's not even fun anymore. But where was I? Ah yes, 1 v 2. Can't get any better than this. The two best teams in the league. So many points, so many good players.... Ok, you know what? I'm not excited about this game. What about the rest of you? I mean, let's face it, there are a lot of bad teams out there. Teams that stink. Teams you look at and you're like, if that team had a smell it would stink like Watts ass. (I don't even want to know what Watts team smells like) Hey, mine stinks as well. I feel for you guys. After week one, I already knew that the 40 dollars was a waste. Eh, I could have done something better with that money. Anything better than watching a shitty team all year. And it's not like I can just give up and not play. I still have to put in my players and act like there's going to be some miracle this week and all of a sudden all my WR's are going to put up 20 points each. But then reality sets in week after week. I could have taken that $40 and swallowed it, shit it out and see if the money came out whole. Is that even possible? Well, fuck, I would have found out. And I know the season is still early. But our chances of winning money in the regular season and playoffs are getting slimmer, like the chances of Forry getting laid. Ha Ha, yeah I know that joke gets over used a lot. And I know we tease the punk kid, but I'm playing him this week and he's probably going to beat me. So whatever, Fuck him. Brad and Euge drafted all the right players this year. It's like Brad went to the boat and hit the Jackpot. They just got so lucky. Seriously, they have guys that they drafted so low, doing so good. Percy Harvin, Cotchery, Brett Fucking Favre?! DeSean Jackson, Fred Jackson, the Other Steve Smith?! And they are always projected so high. I'll put my players in and get all happy cause I'm projected 96. Then I look at their teams and see 115. Are you kidding me? Shit, I don't want to play them. It's like going against a guy that has Rockets, Sniper, Stickys, Overshield and Inviz. Brees and MJD can easily put up 30 points if not more! My RB's can barely put up 10. Brad's WR's are heating up NBA Jam style. Oh and Manning is only averaging 20 ppg. If Brad wins here that would keep him in first place. After missing the playoffs last year, he's trying to do what only a few have done: Make it past the first round. I don't want to go all Stewart Scott on you (fucking asshole) but only 5 teams have made it past the first round when missing the playoffs the year before. 3 teams have made it to the final 3. Only two have won it. The Double Dragons - Jon and Euge. Brad has scored over 100 points in every game. That's scary. That's more scary than having sex with Darci. Ugh, I can't believe I did that. Seriously, I'd rather take my chances of sticking my dick in a Mystery Box than her. It could be anything and I wouldn't care. A bowl of spaghetti, a donkey's ass...anything. But I did, and now I have to live with it. Just like we all have to deal with our teams. So have a great game boys. Score lots of points. Win or lose, you both will go far. As for the bottom of the pack, Just have fun out there because you can. The thoughts of Darci sex don't haunt your dreams at night. The Game of the Week is brought to you by.....Fucking Douchbags. Take your fucking glasses off! You are inside. Yes you have muscles. But wearing your $250 extra small T-shirt with Japanese written all over it, which you probably don't even understand, makes you look ridiculous. 2 or 3 sprays of cologne is more than enough...not half the bottle. It reeks of egotistical self-absorbed dick. Your pair of pants probably costs as much as your car payment, which you find necessary to go 0-35 in 1.2 seconds after every green light just to make sure everybody knows how loud your car can be. You have on more jewelry than most girls, your hair is too perfect...that's right, too perfect, and you have the personality of a goldfish. I hate these guys. I want to strip each and every one of them of their dignity.....by raping them -- Keep your chin Up

Forry's Future Boss vs. Windows7 10/22/09 Sigh....I miss the good old days, smoking with my boys. Oh how I'd love to go back and have a smoking session right now. I can just see us....oh wait, this is my dream and I can do whatever the fuck I want. ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// WOOOOOF!!! "Woa, easy there Cloverfield." The Galaxy hits Brad hard everytime. 5 minute sessions of coughing while rubbing his whole face with both hands. Nothing hits better than the ice chilled smoke from the greatest bong ever forged. They say it's Dragonglass, and I believe it. Two hits from it and you are out of this world. You may even pass through a wormhole so Zuehlke claims. "I think this calls for a fire," Forry says as he makes his way towards the fireplace. He carefully stacks a pyramid of logs so high that from the couch you can't see the top of it. "This is going to be a monster fire guys." "Turn on SportsCenter. Top Ten should be coming up!" Brad demands. His lungs finally being able to take in fresh air. I get up and make the long walk to the kitchen. "Anybody want tea? I'm making some." Tea always tastes good whenever I smoke. Well, along with everything else. But it keeps me busy. Thousands of thoughts are racing through my head, and the focus of the entire process sorta phases them all out. The measuring, the boiling, the steeping. I bring a cup to Forry, Brad and myself. Zuehlke has his 12 oz. bottle of Pepsi. "SportsCenter let's go!" Brad calls out. The entire time Zuehlke has been fumbling with the remote for what seems like 5 minutes, but is actually 20. And the TV is on the QVC channel and it has those two idiots selling knives. Forry who has been tending the fire bursts out laughing, "Who gave Z the remote?" "Dude, I can't work this thing right now," as Zuehlke drops the remote on the floor. He can solve the worlds most complex equations, and yet cannot turn the TV to channel 286. "EH....we're gonna miss it." We finally turn it on. Neil Everett is talking about the upcoming Fantasy games. "Hey guys, keep it down, they're talking about the Game of the Week!" Neil - "....on Sunday. Here with us to talk about that game is John Clayton." John Clayton scares me sometimes. If you really look at him, he doesn't look human. Put together by a bunch of different faces to make him look real. He's a cyborg. Knows everything about everyone. Never have I seen him in the studio. Always chatting via satellite with a different background of his choosing. Usually with some random skyline of buildings. Today he has chosen clouds and sky. He talks while the same 5 highlights replay the entire time. John - "The game between Forry's Future Boss and Windows7 10/22/09 is going to be treated as if it were a playoff game. With the success both teams have had this year (4-2-0), it is easy to say that they will be playing on week 14-" A thought just hit me, "yo guys, 7 teams are 420. How did that happen? And, 3 teams are 240. Switch the 2 and the 4 you get 420. AND, 2 teams are 1-5. If you take 3 losses and put them in wins....you get 420. Dude, everyone could be 420. How is that possible?" Forry laughs, "everyone has played 6 games that's why." Brad shakes his head, "Terrible" John - "They both lost last week to the other top two teams in the league. Windows7 10/22/09 scored below the 100 point mark for the first time this season, but don't let last week fool you. Manning and Witten are back and no other major players are on a bye-" Another thought pops in my head, "Yo, so who do you think plays the guitar for these highlights? I can just picture this unknown band sitting around in their apartment watching SportsCenter and being like, "hey guys we're on!" I mean, do they go around telling people that?" "It's probably Eric Clapton in some studio just jamming," Forry said. John - "...but what's really interesting about this game is the noticeable shift in strategic philosophies. That's right blah blah blah, blah blah lkdddjkld 1 0 10110 10010001 100010111010100 1010 10 1010101 101011 10101 1010101010110 101010 110!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "OMG!!" "What the fuck?!" "Dude!" "what just happened?" Zuehlke just snapped out from being a Zombie, or maybe returning from a black hole. What he missed was John Clayton's head exploding on TV. But before we could even contemplate what just happened, the Top Ten highlights of the day started. And it was no surprise that #1 was baseball. A 3-run homer by some guy on the Angels. Yet #2 was a 50 foot putt for a double eagle. Just doesn't make sense. A car drives down Fullerton and we all hear the song "Wish you were here," by Pink Floyd trail off as it goes by. "Dude, Forry, you got some Pink Floyd on your laptop?" I ask him. "Dark side of the Moon is a great album" Zuehlke says. Brad asks, "You guys got Wizard of Oz?" "Dude, I'm telling you, there are Aliens living on the Dark side of the Moon." There's not a session that goes by that Forry doesn't talk about Aliens. "Dude, they have a spaceport and underground cities. Both Lance Armstrong and Buzz Lightyear have seen it." We all bust out laughing. But suddenly we all stop and look around. The entire living room and kitchen is completly filled with smoke. I look at the others, "Guys, something's happening." Zuehlke looks over at Forry, "Hey smokey, you put the flue up before you started that fire right?" And right then, the alarm goes off! All of us rush and open all 20 windows in the apartment. Forry is opening and shutting the balcony door, "Great, now we're gonna wake up Dave. He's going to hate us" "I don't know," as I turn the ceiling fan on, "...Will is still passed out on the couch." The Game of the Week is brought to you by......Banana Kush. It's a really tasty, fruity indica with a nice smooth smoke. Cool, Calm, and Creative. And the high is much sweeter when you steal some from your Girlfriend ;) -- Keep your chin Up

Jon Snow vs. kelly's cat KIDDEN He awoke with a loud crash from downstairs. "Dammit!" a man's voice yelled. As Kidden stretched himself on the bed, he quickly remembered that Kelly had left for the week and Scott had returned to watch over him. Kelly is nice and all, but she's rarely ever home. Scott paid more attention to him. Sometimes he though Scott hated him, but if he did, he must be a good actor because he never showed it. He walked down the stairs and found Scott in the kitchen where he had dropped some pots and pans. This kitchen is a lot smaller than the old one. It's a wonder that they were able to fit everything in here. "No Kidden, don't come in here." *What, you don't want my help? Ok fine....but why is my bowl empty? The one job you have while staying here and you can't even do that.* Scott walked over to the couch and turned on SportsCenter. *For a guy that rips on it so much, you watch an awful lot of it.* Kidden jumped on the couch. "Hi Honey." *I'm a cat not a baby, why do you talk like that?* Kidden noticed the scars on his forearm as he rubbed his head. He had given them to him the day they forced him into that small cage and took him out of the house for a few hours. *And if you don't feed me soon I'll give your other arm a matching pair.* He went to go lay on his lap. "No, no, lay right here," and Scott put him on the end of the couch.* Hey, I shed, not my fault. At least when I do it, I don't clog up drains.* Scott starts typing on his computer. Kidden notices hes talking to that Hero guy again. Hero4loan: i love you bao4life2000: I Love You Hero4loan: Justin Fargas?? bao4life2000: Dude, leon got injured, caddy shack has a bye, and donald the duck might not play. At least he's a starter and will get touches Hero4loan: I like my team bao4life2000: Give me Ray Rice. Come on, I will love you long time Hero4loan: Sam likes him too much bao4life2000: God, I hate your team. Must be nice that the only thing you worry about is which QB to start. How many do you have? Hero4loan: how bout i start nancy bao4life2000: how bout you fondle my balls Kidden wonders sometimes if Scott is really gay. Was he cheating on Kelly with this guy? Is that why he's not around anymore? Just then a bird landed on the balcony railing. Kidden leaped off the couch and watched it through glass sliding door. He has always been fascinated by these creatures. If he ever got an opportunity to go outside, he was sure that he could capture one. Or maybe it was jealousy. He had freedom like a bird once. But that was when he was younger. Before being taken in. *Will I ever taste it again? * "Kidden!" He turned around. Scott was holding a blue milk ring in his hand. They have brought home many toys for him and spent lots of money, but for some reason a milk ring was just so much fun to play with. *Give me that*. Scott through it at the front door and Kidden dashed and crashed into the wall. *Almost had it...next time*. He picked it up with his mouth and walked over to Scott. He wanted to play again. But he was talking to that hero guy. Hero4loan: hows kelly? hows the cat bao4life2000: you're gonna hate me Hero4loan: why bao4life2000: Cause I'm kinda taking care of him right now. You want to say hi? Hero4loan: Are you a fucking retard bao4life2000: She asked me for a favor and said she had no other choice. She's out of town Hero4loan: I hate you Hero4loan: I'm not talking to you bao4life2000: why, come on Hero4loan: All the friendly advice I've given you with all your gfs and you do something like this bao4life2000: Hey you told me to plant and step with Darci and I did Hero4loan: yeah i didn't tell you to date her for 3 years you clownfish Hero4loan: old kelly hated video games, robby, and all of us but nooo you still dated her for 3 years. Hero4loan: and i took care of her at buffet and you guys had sex in my car bao4life2000: we didn't! and I thank you for that! Hero4loan: worst night of my life Hero4loan: and you and new kelly re-broke up and now you're taking care of that cat again? Hero4loan: she made you miserable, you should have told her to fuck off bao4life2000: I know, I know, I'm too nice a guy ryan. Please don't hate me. You always have been there for me when I needed you. bao4life2000: You're a good man Charlie Brown. How can I make it up to you? Hero4loan: kill the cat bao4life2000: lol Hero4loan: no el oh el....kill the cat be done with him and her bao4life2000: this is insane Hero4loan: You can free yourself or be sucked in again and again. it will never end, you'll have to watch him everytime she travels to europe or texas or wherever. Hero4loan: Be free or be damned Kidden hopped off the couch. He couldn't believe what he was reading. It's another one of their jokes. Scott would never do such a thing. But at that moment, Scott got up from the couch and made his way to the closet. *What is he getting? Is this really happening?* Kidden sat there frozen. He wanted to run and hide but every muscle in his body was stiff. "Kidden, come here!" *I don't want to. I can't.....and that's the truth.* He came back with a bag of his food and poured it into his dish. "Here you go. Are you hungry?" He could move again. *No, just starving you moron. *Kidden ran to his dish and chomped away. What a relief. Killing him? "Kidden, I have something for you!" Scott was holding up the milk ring. Kidden's eyes were fixed on it. *I got it this time. *Scott was waving it back and forth. "You want it?" Kidden slowly walked over...ready to pounce the second he let go. He released it toward the sliding door and it took Kidden two leaps to grab it in his mouth. *Got it! *He braced himself, ready to hit the balcony door, but went through it. It was completely wide open. And confusion took over him and before he could realize what to do next...the balcony was above him, getting smaller and smaller, for he was falling falling into the unknown. High above him he saw that bird fly away. And then, there was blackness. The Game of the Week is brought to you by.....Halloween. It's the one night of the year when girls can wear practically nothing to the bars and get away with it. It's encouraged. Yet guys still wear too much costume. How do you expect to grind with The Little Mermaid, when you are a Mustard Bottle? Keep it simple guys. Look hot, feel cool, and put on a Freddy Kruger glove.....Boom! Now go dance with Tinker Bell. -- Keep your chin Up

Jon Snow vs Pullin a Watts The following takes place between 12:00 am and 1:00 am 12:00 BOOM...BOOM...BOOM...BOOM... Well, that sound only means one thing: Brad is home from work. You can hear those speakers all the way from Conant. I've been waiting all night, passing the time by playing Zelda in his room. I paused it, and quickly went outside. "Yo, we have a problem," I said as Brad parked his car on the driveway. "What uuuuuuuup." "Dude, I looked on Fantasy Football and....wtf! Kim what are you doing here?! You said you had plans. Omg, Kim, did you just give Brad a Warthog BR???" "Hey Scott, Brad just picked me up." Kim Bauer is the hottest piece of ass you'll ever see. She's been hanging out with the both of us, but not on the same days. "It was my turn to see you today and you blew me off!" "No, she blew me off...suckaaaaaa" Brad said as he climbed out of the car. Kim got out as well, "Anyway, your brother had a care package for me. I mean, seriously, when have you ever had one?" "I'm working on it. I'm going to get my card soon in Cali. Does your dad know you smoke?" "My dad dies and comes back to life everyday. And he never sleeps....and he has this "other" problem. So some of this is for him." "Well, can I get you tomorrow then?" "Oh boys, why can't you just share?" "Hellzzzz no," Brad said as he whipped out his bowl. "Dude, we don't have time for that. Cutler got me 7 points." "Niiiiiiice." "No, he was projected over 20. I think somebody is making us lose. Think about it. You started the season on top and suddenly you are in 6th place. We are both on the cusp of not making the playoffs. And Rob, well, he's been done for weeks now." "His team sucks" "Yeah, well, I wouldn't be surprised if your team doesn't perform this week. Kim, can you try to hack into the Yahoo system and find out if there's any abnormal activity going on?" "Ugh, I guess....But can we smoke that bowl first? If it's going to be one of those nights I don't want to be sober." Brad lights his lighter, "You guys better have your hiking boots on, cause we're climbing a mountain." 12:10 am 12:15 am The three of us were on our way to Watts' apartment. Brad and me were in the front while Kim was in the back. I didn't want to see anymore "abnormal activity." "I can't believe it was Watts. So Kim, what exactly did you find?" "There are some hidden files under the name Gay All Games Anti- Moultan. I don't know what it means, but in order for me to see them we have to hack into his computer." "Why does he always spell our name wrong?" Brad asked When we got to the apartment nobody was home. "Oh, I think Forry said that they went to the boat tonight," Brad said. "Eh, well if Forry is with him then they will be back real soon. We don't have much time." Kim opened their front door with some device and we made our way into his bedroom. "Guys, just try not to touch anything in here." "Good idea," Kim said, "we don't want to leave any finger prints." "No, I'm talking about sperm and diseases. Man, I don't even want to be in here right now." Kim typed away on his computer. "Ok, I'm in. This is odd. There's hundreds of pictures of small deformed penises. This is disgusting! EWW" "What are you guys doing in here!?" We all turned around, and Watts was standing at the bedroom door. "Holy shit, get away from my computer!" I stood in front of him, "Watts, why are there pictures of small penises under the file Gay All Games Anti-Moultan?" "That stands for GAGA. That's where I put all my Lady Gaga pix." "So you're not trying to sabotage Fantasy Football?" I asked him. "No, dude. Now can you please leave? I lost 100 bucks tonight because of Forry and I'm going to beat my disco stick with these pictures." 12:21 am 12:26 am "Well, we have to go to Steve. He's still the commish. We have to tell him what's going on." Brad looked at his cracked iPhone, "It's 12:26." "He has a kid now, psh, he'll be up. But we have to see him in person. This can't wait till tomorrow." "I can have my dad get us a chopper. I just have to call him first." Kim took out her phone, "Hey dad it's Kim...no I'm fine...can you send me a chopper at my current location? I need to go to Minnesota. Thanks...yes I got your care package....why are you screaming? Dad, where are you?......On the shitter? Oh, how's the constipation.....have you crapped yet?.....Ok dad stop screaming! You always scream.....I'll call you later....dammit. Ok we're all set. I asked Kim, "Is your dad ok?" "Yeah, he's fine. Just hasn't taken a crap in 8 years." 12:30 am 12:40 am The chopper dropped us off right in front of Steve's house. Surprisingly it took us only 10 minutes to get there from Elk Grove. It would have taken us 3 minutes less if we didn't have to wait for Brad to smoke a cigarette. The three of us walked right up to the front door and Steve answered it, "Hey guys. This is sort of a surprise. What are you doing here? Wait, is that Kim Bauer?" I got right down to business, "Scuba, somebody in our league has been tampering with the system and whoever it is is trying to make sure all 3 Moultons don't make the playoffs." "Are you sure? How do you know this?" Kim pushed her way inside the house, "We don't have time to explain. Where is your computer? We need you to go into your account so we can find any abnormal activity. Now!" Brad leaned over to me, "I love it when she's like thissssss." "Well, if you guys can wait right here, I'll go look myself." Steve said. "No! Take us there right now!" Kim shouted. So Steve lead us to his office room. "Alright, there it is. But I have to excuse myself...baby calls. Hope you find what you are looking for." Kim typed away, but after a moment she noticed something strange. "Guys, this computer doesn't even work." "Yeah, these books aren't even real," Brad said I went over to the door, but it was locked from the other side. We were trapped. Suddenly Steve's voice was heard over a loud speaker, "Sorry guys, But you know too much and now I must get rid of you in worst possible way....Burned alive!! Muahahaha!" There was no way out. And fire came out of the corners of the room. The next couple minutes we would all be toast. 12:44 am 12:49 am "Cough...cough...cough," We could barely breath. I looked over at my brother, "Brad, great idea about throwing the weed in the fire. Man, if we didn't clambake, we would have never figured out how to get out of there!" Kim got to her feet, "I know! The fucking pacifier! Who would have thought!" "We gotta find Steve!" "He's over there! Stop him!" Steve dashed across the living room towards the front door. Kim found a loaf of challah bread on the counter, so she picked it up and hurled it at Steve. It smacked him across the face and he tumbled to the ground. Brad jumped on top of him and pinned him with his freshman year Conant wrestling skills. "Scuba, wtf?! You tried to kill us! It was you?? But why??" He didn't answer. At first I thought he didn't want to talk, but it was really because that challah bread knocked him unconscious for a minute. When he came to I was going to repeat the exact same sentence in the exact same way I had said it, but Kim interrupted, "Steve I want answers now! We're running out of time! If you don't start talking, this Star of David is going straight up your ass!" I leaned over to Brad, "I love it when she's like thissssss." Steve started to talk, "Ok, it was me. I wanted to get you guys back somehow. I wanted to fix the scoring system in a way where you guys didn't make the playoffs. Then when I was no longer commissioner, nobody would be able to trace it back to me. You traded Donald Brown, and I wanted to screw Brad, so I made him not play. Brad threw that hissy last year and he was wrong! And the night when I put my seed in Erin, your name was screamed out loud that night...." I cleared my throat, "Hey, Scuba, we look alike, I mean, I'm sure Erin didn't mean to..." "NO, it was me that screamed your name, not Erin! And it caused some problems." "Well, what about Robby? What do you have against him?" "Nothing, other than he's an idiot sometimes. But his team just sucks. So I didn't really have to do anything with that." Brad and I both looked at each other, "Yeah, his team does suck." "terrible" "horrible team....real horrible team." "What do we do now?" Kim asked. "We let him go." I said. "Only if you promise to stop. Owen needs to have a father around. And I don't want him to grow up not having memories full of laughter. It's a shame that some people have to live their lives like that." And I looked over at Kim. "Thanks Scoot." Steve said We made it back to Elk Grove and the three of us where standing in our driveway. Kim looked over at me, "That was really nice of you Scott." She took her jacket off and started to walk inside. "If you boys want me....I'll be waiting inside." Brad and I both looked at each other, not knowing what to say. We just stood there in silence. Brad packed a bowl and we passed it back and forth...not saying a word the whole time. Just thinking. When it was cashed I broke the silence. "Rocks, Paper, Scissors who gets the ass?" Rocks...Papers...Scissors... "YESSSSS" 1:00 If you would like to continue the Epic 3 part series of the Most Extreme FF coach....please insert disc 2 now. #8 Andy - Way before marriage and a baby, engaged girls and 16 year olds, and creepy goatees (hey, I tried it once too and failed) Andy won Fantasy Football. That was all the way back in '02 when the league had only 8 players. Since then, it's sorta been downhill. Never made it back to the top 3 and the past 2 years he's missed the playoffs (he's the only player to miss the playoffs twice in a row) But, at the end of the day, he does have ring. Or should I say rings. Hmm...3 out of the 5 winners are also married. Interesting... #7 Ryan - Not married (and nobody knows when that will ever happen) and he has not won. But, he's been more consistent than Andy. He's only missed the playoffs 2 times. He finished 2nd in '03 and 3rd in '05. The last two years he's been out the first round. #6 Euge - He's the fastest new coach to win a championship. Of all the newcomers who have joined throughout the years (Watts, Matt, Brad, Forry) he is the only one to win. It took him 2 years. Before he won, only 4 different players had taken home the trophy. He now joins that exclusive club. But, time will tell if his miracle run in the playoffs was only just a fluke. #5 Dave #4 Scott - Dave and I are the only two guys that have made the playoffs every year. If you take a look at how we finished every season they are exactly the same...but in a different order. Here's a look at the past 7 seasons starting with '02: Scott - out first round, OFR, O2R, OFR, 3rd, OFR, 2nd Dave - 2nd, 3rd, OFR, OFR, OFR, O2R, OFR Dave's 2nd place finish came when the league was only 8. I did it with 12. The NFL as well as Fantasy Football has change a lot in 6 or 7 years. More stats, more info. Winning now is much tougher than what is used to be.....and so is living with your girlfriend... #3 Zuehlke - In '03 the league went from 8 to 10 when we added Watts and Matt. Z was the first to win. The following year he missed the playoffs. (3 other winners have done the same) A couple years later he finished 2nd in '06. Last year he missed the playoffs. His career has been like a bumpy ride on his bike. He falls down, gets back up, and if he makes it past the first round, he shows up in the finals. The man is dangerous. Only 1 other player has a 1st and 2nd place trophy. Join us next week when we find out who is the Most Extreme FF coach! The Game of the Week is brought to you by.....the Disneyland girls. Oh how I miss Fruit Stripe and Ice-isisssisisss. -- Keep your chin Up