2013

Jon, wearing a Tiki Barber jersey, is in the kitchen making drinks. He’s preparing each glass for an absinthe rinse.

Steve, with his Marvin Harrison jersey on is next to him prepping for Margaritas.

In the living room there’s the biggest, clearest TV you have ever seen.

In front, there’s a massage chair for each person to sit on while they watch football.

Euge, with his custom made Maurice Jones-Brees jersey on is sitting in one and is already passed out... wait ... or is he? Euge?

Brad with just a towel on opted out of the massage chair and instead is laying down and getting a massage by a hot Swedish girl. She’s okay, but Erin is the best and she’s saved just for Steve ;P

Ryan enters the living room and starts handing out bowls of perfectly popped popcorn. It’s seriously the best you’ve ever tasted. Not a single kernel is left un-popped. You can look underneath the bowl, and you won’t find any.

Andy, with his fresh new ‘In a World Like This’ Backstreet Boys tour t-shirt on, is shooting some pool near a glass cabinet full of Fantasy Football trophies.

Zuehlke wearing a Sexy Little Otters jersey is erecting a strong, firm, silverware tower on the kitchen island.

Why are these guys having the best football viewing experience ever? Cause these gentlemen belong to an elite club. They are part of the Fantasy Football Champion club.

Jonbar vs The Final Season

Since 2002, seven players can say they have a ring. This week, the only matchup that has a champion playing a champion is Jon vs Brad. Guise, could this really be the final season? What if Brad does some gay moultAn shit and ruins the league forever? Or what if in the next few years we stop paying attention and shit and just stop playing? Each year this fellowship is changing. I mean we already have 2 dads playing in this league. And with the rate Ryan is going, we’ll be adding a third real soon... gulp. Wearing a ring and being a member of that club could be worth living for! If we do keep playing till the rest of our days... will everyone eventually win?? This year, the winners are looking very tough to beat. Andy, Steve, and Jon all had A’s on their Draft Grades. Shoot, Andy had the best draft in league history and it was on auto-draft! Should we have an auto-draft party next year at Ryan’s?? I think we should. Don’t worry rye, watts won’t be there ;P

The Game of the Week is brought to you by.... “Huge Puffs” - Whether ur puffin’ it from The Galaxy, Joker, Riddler, Urlacher or LOLCANO, or even out of your ass... make those puffs huge. Just like the ones you see at a Phish concert. Or like the ones those Puff guys make in World - 7 on the New Super Mario Bros. Wii. Just make sure you don’t forget to puff em and puff em good!

Midnight Waves. Creepin’ in the darkness, ass on the sand, looking at the Midnight Waves. Apple on the patio, beer within arms reach. Penis within forearms reach. Why are you here? You feel so meaningless, yet, at ease with the universe right now. The thoughts of your awful fantasy team escape your mind and are replaced by images of David Wiiilllllson ... Willllllson ... Wiiiillllsonnnnn’s thighs. Look at the waves, hear the ocean, and stay cool, with easy, breezy, beautiful Midnight Waves.

What theee, where is that music coming from??? Where is he? I know he’s here. Bwak!! Just looking at watts team makes me giggle. Is watts even showing up this year?? Does he have too much Phish on the brain? Is that all he does now? Cause when I was in town that’s all I heard when I was around him. No, seriously, he was playing it in the golf cart. He had it blasting in the kitchen during the draft. And when he drove me home from Ryan’s he was streaming it in his car... that’s all I saw of the kid. He’s probably listening to them right now. His team sucks. There I said it. He was better during the good ol days in Japan. When he was drunk by 5:30, playing Gaylo, trollin, drinking, while trying to Pseudo rape young skinny Asians from the Sapporo suburbs. I’m surprised he had time for FF when he was doing that 6 days a week. If only there was something to take his mind off this epic fail of a season.

They call me the sloth

Way down in the ghetto

Italian Spaghetti

Singing falsetto

Sleeping all day

Rip Van Winklin'

Spend my nights in bars

Glasses tinklin'

I just googled watts team name. teehee. Why is this the Game of the week?? Cause it’s the first ever Blacked out game! Dave scored 78.72 last week. Is Dave going on too many dates? Does he miss his Koala friend from down unda? His team stinks more than a Dave fart. Last week Spiller & Jones-Drew combined for 8 points (not as bad as Ridley & Wilson combining for 0.5 points bwww) One big hit on Romo and he could be done. Watts only had 42.68 last week ... bw.. bww ... bwuk! That’s terrible. But, it’s not that bad. The lowest score in WIG Fantasy history is 33.13 back in 2004 by, oh boi .. watts. That’s worse than when you really want to smoke, but you can’t cause your parents sit in front of the TV for 8 hours every night #livingathomeisawesome #wow #southlot #copypaste

Cam Newton vs Daviators

The Game of the Week is….

Decisions, Decisions....one game can make a difference

One win can mean a Fantasy Football championship ring

One win can lock you in for First Place in the regular season

Playing a Boom/Bust WR 3 and sitting a Low End WR 2 can gain you extra Points

Playing two RB’s that scored only 11.04 in two weeks ... is... well, I think you’re actually losing points.

Having the most Points this week can win you 60$

One win can give you the greatest bathroom sink Jerk off session you’ve ever had

If you are going for the 60$ this week, you are not safe scoring below 120 points. You would be more safe on degen survivor island. So far this season only 5 teams have scored more than 120. Not even 140 points is safe! You would be more safe raw dogging an entire kitchen staff!

Here’s a look at the top 4 scorers in week one:

140.22 - Brad

140.28 - Andy

142.02 - Ryan

145.92 - Jon

But not even 145.92 is safe! Here’s a look at the WIG top 3 most points scored in a game:

2006 - Dave 190.63

2004 - Ryan 181.12

2005 - Dave 178.64

Decisions, Decisions.... one game can make a difference.

Wej vs Hobbys Lobby

Yahoo currently has Scuba projected to score the highest this week. Now, I know Yahoo projections suck major Big Toe (Yahoo had watts scoring in the 90’s both games this year and he hasn’t scored higher than 61) but, if everyone scores what their projected, then Steve wins!

Is that Robbie in 6th place? Look at him go guise! Is this the year Hobbys Lobby makes it back to the playoffs? He hasn’t been there since 2010 when he played in the Moulton Bowl. He’s got his dancing shoes on and ready to make it back to the Tourney. Some experts say he’s this years Snickers™ sleeper pick. I like his WR core and the emergence of Giovani Soto.. er, I mean, Bernard. If his team can just get on the same page, he can compete with anyone in this league. The Summer of Forry is still going on. Is it time for the Autumn of Robb? Fantasy football playoffs, League Pick em commish, dating two girls at the same time. He is dating 2 girls right? ... or no

The Game of the Week is brought to you by.... The Chicago Blackhawks Ice Crew Girls. Has anyone else fapped to Rob’s team logo image? Dear gawd.... reminds me of that Adam Sandler song

Baby, baby baby, I wanna make you ride my Zamboni

Baby, baby baby, be my butt-ending puck bunny

You can triple deke me in the penalty box, this ain’t no shorthanded goal

I’ll poke check you from behind till my shaft finds all 5 of your holes

I’m your Ice Hockey innuendo guy, Ice Hockey innuendo guyyyy

Bllleeeaggghhlth... what theeee! This is the 3rd period I've had on my playoff beard this week! wtf, are these hockey chicks Cycle Sisters or something!? sick!

Forry Mango vs Catan 4peat Trip Ds

“just sink fap, take some selfies, rd blast the entire big bawls staff, and then get swole” - Jason Forry

That might have worked during the summer when his cold streak ended, but Catan 4peat Trip Ds might want to put down his 3ds for sec and focus on Week 4 of fantasy football. Last year his streak of making the playoffs every year was snapped (now only Scott & Pat are the only ones to never miss the playoffs, ever) Cuming off a fap worthy victory, forry has some momentum. Last week he scored a week high 115.28 points and won 60$. During week 1, he was 0.2 points shy of being in the 100 point club, which would have put him in the 100 point club every game this season. The only players to score 100 points in every game during the regular season are:

2004 - Scott 122.04 PPG

2003 - Ryan 127.54 PPG

Furry has now taken over that #6 spot. He’s got a full blown air mattress, his plants are in the tub ready to be watered, and his big toe is still intact, a win here and he can get that extra pep in the step :)

“look to see what type of encryption is on the rueter maybe delete that network from your iphone” - Ryan

Like a triage expert, Ryan is ready for the first bye week of the season. He’s starting Stafford in place of Rodgers. Boldin has already given him 15 points. If Ryan wants to remain at the top of the standings, he needs to go Overlord Commander on forty. He needs to kick him out of playoff contention, just like he’s kicking him out of his house in 3 months. A win here can make up for every spilled drink, late night raw dawgs, late rent, and all the times watts & brad came over cause fory thought Ryan wouldn’t come home ... to his own house. This week there are no Perks for 4e.

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scott ta tao vs Japanese writing

*Gulp* Both teams are 1-3 and reek of desperation. Or maybe that’s just watts fart. Watts is the 2013 Fantasy Football version of the Cleveland Browns. He’s done. Packin’ it on up, heading towards Medinah, and taking the Big Timber all the way to 2014.

With Doug Martin on a bye this week, Scott was barely projected 90 points. A loss to watts and his season would basically be over. Forry would have a better chance staying at Ryan’s house longer than January 1st than Scott would have making the playoffs.

Boom. Then cums the first Blockbuster trade of the year. Wow, what a Game of the Week we have here! (that was a freebie)

I guess those muscles on David Wilson’s thighs just aren’t doin’ it for him anymore, so watts moved on to the Muscle Hamster himself, Doug Martin. Here’s what Willllllson.. du duh, du duh .. had to say about it:

“Never thought I’d get traded man. I thought he wanted me on his team. He drafted me first! All those times I would oil up my thighs and come over to watch him play gaylo, er, halo, or whatever that game is called. For what.”

Will David Wilson chalk up 20 points against his former team this week? That’s the risk you take.

What if Ty Hilton scores 15+ and Torrey Smith only catches a 6 yard pass? That’s the risk you take.

Maybe Doug Martin will start scoring 50 point games like he did last year? That’s the risk you take.

Raw dogging Audra Martin in your basement after she turns the lights off cause she doesn’t want to be seen naked in the dark... welp, that’s the risk you take.

The FFCI rank this as the “Most Fair” trade since 2005! There’s going to be some non-squeakin’ games coming up on watts schedule. Scott needs to take full on advantage. This week he must go Alpha male and pseudo rape watts team Casper style.

The Game of the Week is brought to you by... Fantasy Football Consulting, Inc. We Dedicate Our Lives To Fantasy So You Don’t Have To.

Cumming...

2014

glip

Watts vs Ryan

You mind your business, and I’ll mind ------ nope. Can’t do it. I wanted to do a whole gotw about how much Ryan & watts hate each other. Those are always my favorite :) But all the hugs they were giving each other last weekend during Zuehlke’s wedding, I just can’t do it. John Shepard changed the man...

Week 7. We are halfway through the season boyz! Things are getting hot & sweaty like a Japanese Onsen. Why is this the gotw? Because this could be the game that decides the League pick em winner! (remember to pick em and pick em good) Only 4 points separate The Ent, The goblin, Bard, Scoop, Rib, and Scuba. Every Pick em matters. This week Ryan has 4 picks, while watts has 3 picks. This matchup is Tight Tight Tight like you’re snorting Chrystal Blue Persuasion!

Yup, watts is in another gotw. Yup, this is his 3rd one so far this year (he averages 5 per year) I guess he found out the trick: Make a huge blockbuster trade... get chosen for gotw. And #wow, talk about another rip-off trade. First, forry doesn’t want Julio “Broken Bonez” Jones, and now he does want him. He gives watts sh*t all year about how much Stevan “Riddle me this, Riddle me that” Ridley sucks, and how Julio will score more points this year. Then forry substitutes “Orange” Julius Thomas (with a HOF quarterback) for Charles “okay, okay” Clay. Watts is 0-2 during gotw games this year. Will his players blow up this week?? Will Nick “Sprinkle those bowls” Foles put up 40 points? Will “Thank You very much” Hilton catch some bombs? Will Matt “yo yo yo lata Forry” Forte & Doug “Bye Bye Bye... Scottie” Martin pound that nug the ol’ 49er madden way? Well, I think so too. And that’s why I picked watts for League pick em :)

oops, I babbled my pick em !!

The Game of the Week is brought to you by.... “Throbbing Heartthrob” Rob! Fresh off a breakup, Rob is a free man gentlemen & gents. And for the first time ever, the League pick em is Free for life!! Your friendly pick em commish is really giving back guise. Whether it’s buying you cigarettes, baby-sitting your child, visiting you in Texas, driving everyone around the city (going the right way on a one-way ... or not) or even paying for the League pick em winner. It is now time for The Autumn of Rob “Have fun competing for that cash” Moulton.

Father vs Father

Hard to believe that My Two Dads are running the league right now. How is this happening? The fact that they still have time to even keep up with football is mind-blowing. With Two rings, both now enter the WIG fantasy football HOF.

Lifetime they are 6-6 and are projected about even this week. You only need to watch 2 games to find out who will win this matchup. 9 players will be on the field. Look at the matchup we have here [Link to Den @ SD game] Points will be splooging non-stop the entire game, you’d think Old Cumfull just erupted gif [imgur.com]

If you eat your peas, good things will happen. Even with all the RB issues this season, Scuba has been extremely successful playing RB roulette with his 6 RB’s on the bench. And with every right decision, he does this [Link to Owen Spiderman dancing]

Save a Horse, ride an Andy! With moves like that, Andy only needs 5. Not surprising, after having one of the greatest drafts in League History. Who would have thought... just pre rank your draft and put it on auto-pilot and go do something really fun and awesome and cool and that some people are super jealous about... anyway, if Steve is looking to use Owen’s Thor Hammer to send Andy’s team crashing to the bottom of the playoff ranks, he’s gonna need to get through his Minions with glow in the dark toothbrushes [Link to Aiden & Kaleb’s epic lightsaber fight]

The Game of the week is brought to you by.... the GOTW All Access app. Download the free app and get all access game info. Live scores, useless stats, and the ability to click on [Links]* during the GOTW. Just tap “Apply” to your Fantasy League, you may have to do this 4 or 5 times, then close out the app and restart the phone, look to see what type of encryption is on the rueter maybe delete that network from your iphone... and you should be all set!! It's that easy! *popup windows will continue to open prompting you to the Fantasy Football Consulting, Inc. website. Power through the first surge and the windows will slowly start to decrease*

DAE say they are getting an xbox one, but secretly really want a ps4 because it just looks a lot cooler?? HAE thought that? No, really. This isn’t part of the GOTW, I’m just wondering. Is ps4 better? ... or no. Are people buying xbox because friends are going to be playing Halo/Gears/Madden? CAE post some comments down below? Pat?? I know your penis just moved in your pants. I heard it all the way over here in LA...

Ninja-Turtle Robbies vs Robby The Hobby

Predicting the winner of this game is like trying to decide which gaming system to buy.

One team is on a 7 game winning streak, splooging out points like AR Bots shooting out onto the television screen. The other team doesn’t rely on power or the number of points scored, but gets wins without breaking 100. This is it boyz! 3 games left! Yep, that’s right. The Playoffs are almost here. That crept up on us like Jan 1st is creeping up on Forry. Speaking of First...look at Robby in First place guise! If he wins out, he has a real good chance to secure First Place. And First Place means moneyyyyy. Who’s got the cash now?! Z needs a Fursht Shtrike badly if he wants to jump from 9th place into the Playoff pool. With five teams at 5-5, and Z not having a lot of Pts for, wins are crucial. This week Robby has Dez on a bye (wait, there’s byes still?) Thanks. Hilton (formerly known as Thank You very much Hilton) only gave him 5 points. The pressure is on Robby. But Robby the Hobby isn’t in 1st place for nothing. He is Ribbed for your pleasure, and Rib says: Pressure? They use my penis for measuring pressure... ppsi (penis pounds per square inch)

Game of the Week is brought to you by.... November 17th. The one day out of the year when I need to know Zuehlke & Watts’ first name. Happy Birthday Chris’sssssssss

If you’ve missed the past few weeks of the GOTW, here’s what’s up...

Bwak David Wilson

Bwerk Doug Martin

watts’ team sucks.... well... actually, he’s got some good.... nah still sucks.

Robby the Hobby is having a M.V.P. season.

Pat will miss the playoffs for the first time in his 3rd year career.

Will Scott miss the playoffs for the first time in his 11 year career? (he’s still the only one that hasn’t)

Huge win by Ryan last week against Scuba! Huge like the Pacers defeating the Lakers at the Staples Center to take game 4 and lead the series 3-1 in NBA 2k.

This is it guys. Two games left. Three teams are looking comfortable. Comfortable like having Snipe & a nice crisp BR on Guardian. Or like playing 60% Kirby with 5 guys left while everyone else has 2.

Some teams are already looking at next season. As for the rest, there’s lots of Fantasy left to play. Nobody is safe. You can be the best iOS gamer, and yet still be voted off Degen Island.

Kirby vs Zelda

Scott owns the 8-5 Lifetime record with a 3 game winning streak against Ryan. Ryan hasn’t joined the 100 point club since week 4 against... oh, who else.. Forry. A lot on the line here. This one is sure to be a Melee. Both teams will be Brawling till the end. Nayrus Love will be reflecting, Din’s Fire will be exploding, Rocks will be dropped, and never ending UP+B’s that make that long sword that slashes down and shoots out those blue waves... will be sliced. Can Ryan defeat NegaScott??

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